I just found the following ad on Craigslist under Missed Connections:
I let Fluffy out this morning to go tinkle. Little did I know, the hot neighbor kid must have left my gate open when he came to play on my swing set, because Fluff ran right out of the yard! I can tell you're a real determined, goal-oriented guy, because when you hit my dog you didn't even tap the breaks! I know we didn't get a proper introduction, but I'd like to take you out for dinner. You're a blond, middle-aged guy who drives a big truck with a pair of those rubber nuts hanging off the back. Respond and tell me what kind of dog I had so I know it's you. PS: Fluffy died on contact, but I'm not mad at you. He was already blind in one eye and walked with a limp, so maybe it's best that this happened when it did.
I'm ... I'm speechless.