Saturday, February 4, 2012

Who Needs Context?

In October of 2010, I traveled to Europe with my friend Adam. During our visit to Amsterdam, we stayed with the handsome and hospitable Tom and Ben along with our friend Kirstin who was studying in Edinburgh at the time.
One evening, we took a respite from international tourism and settled down to what proved to be a riotous evening of ... playing board games. Make that one board game: The New Yorker Cartoon Caption Game.
Basically, you try to provide the funniest captions you can to random, captionless New Yorker cartoons that are drawn from a deck as your token reaches certain spaces on a board. The funnier you are, the more quickly you reach the end.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, my friends and I were consuming whiskey as we played, which probably upped the hilarity factor. Still, I share with you now my recently rediscovered answer sheet, presented without comment or context.
  • "And behold, they reached the last resting place of King Mehem-toast-tep."
  • "This is what Betty White was doing five years ago."
  • "Who d'ya have to fuck with a carrot nose to get a drink around here?"
  • "If I gotta swim with the fishes, I wanna look good doin' it."
  • "The cross? Oh, just angling for church sponsorship for the marathon."
  • "And as the old millionaire burst into a cloud of dust, he handed his accountant a balloon with a '$' sign on it."
  • "Have a nice recovery, Miss Smith. I took all the pills I could find in your medicine cabinet, so you're going to need to stop by the pharmacy."
  • "Casual Friday's, guys! Not formal! We wear our tuxes every day of the damn week!"
  • "I'm sorry, sir. Our new head chef used to work security for a bank."
  • "I know you guys had a rough time during the first movement, but we're gonna go back out there and beat the Boston Philharmonic's ass."
  • "Bet you wish you had bought that fall coat now, huh? Idiot."
  • "... and in summation, gentlemen, that's how babies are made."
  • "Steven Spielberg is vacationing here. That guy's just auditioning."
  • "Sales for loincloths have plummeted. It seems, gentlemen, that I'm the only idiot who wears them."
  • "Don't you hate being in a cartoon that doesn't lend itself easily to a caption?"
  • "Excuse me, sir. Is the bar tender here?"
  • "Cute, Earl. Very smooth. Wearing sunglasses but then sitting outside? Very low profile. By the way, I'm a horse."
  • "Fuck. The Cherokee have discovered Twitter."
And finally, everyone's favorite caption...
  • "Yeah, I've always said I didn't fuck that alien, but I totally fucked that alien."

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